How Divorce Impacts Children Psychologically & Socially
The impacts of a divorce is undoubtedly hard for a family. But KALM Moms & Dads, sometimes deciding to live together is not always the best choice for the children. There are probably factors that make reconciliation unattainable, hence divorce is a decision that must be taken. However, we cant deny that divorce will still have negative effects on the children.Psychological Impacts of a Divorce on Children
- Young children will experience a hard time understanding why their parents are not living together anymore. They worry that one day their parents will stop loving them.
- Whereas older children tend to think that divorce is their fault. They are afraid that the reason their parents separated was because of their mistakes.
- Teenagers are usually very angry about divorce and the changes it entails. They may blame their father or mother for those changes.
- Meanwhile, young adults tend to think that their lives will be heavily affected by the divorce. They are more aware that there will be many changes in life such as different ways of celebrating holidays or birthdays. Young adults feelings about their childhood could also get carried away in their emotions which can make them feel sad for a long time.
Social Impacts of a Divorce on Children
Additionally, a divorce will certainly affect children's social relationships as well. A study found that parents, especially moms, became less loving and supportive of their children after the divorce. So Mom & Dads, we need to be careful to not fall into this trap...
Various changes will affect our children, such as changing schools, moving houses, living with single parents. All of these changes contribute to the social relations children have after a divorce.Children from divorced families tend to find it more difficult to relate to other people and have less social contacts or the opposite. For instance, they are likely to make as many friends as possible to get attention and feel loved. This often makes them prone to depend on others because they feel they cannot depend on their parents. Sometimes they also wonder if their family is the only one who experienced divorce.
Other than that, the impacts of a divorce also makes it difficult for a person to build relationships with members of the opposite sex. They hesitate to start a serious relationship with someone. They are afraid that the relationship will end like their parents relationship. Although they may now have started a family or are living independently, they tend to identify themselves as the children of their divorced parents.
Things You Can Do to Help Minimize the Impacts of a Divorce
As parents, certainly we would want to minimize the impact of divorce to our children. Some of the things that would allow KALM Moms & Dads to do this are:
Healthy Co-parenting
KALM Moms & Dads may have had problems with your ex-partner and decided to get a divorce, but for the children, you and your partner are still their parents. Don't take out your negative emotions on the children. Hostility and conflict between parents can have a negative psychological impact on the children. Co-parenting is expected to make both parents actively involved in caring for and fulfilling children's needs, for example by setting the same rules and rewards for children even though you are not in the same household with your partner or simply a quality time together with the children. Try to reduce your ego and continue to be a good parent to your children even after divorce.
Avoid Putting Children in the Middle
Asking children to choose who they want to live with and letting them be the mediator for parents' communications is not appropriate. Communicate with your ex-partner directly face to face, or through messaging or telephone. Putting children in the middle makes them feel anxious and guilty if they have to be on either side with their father or mother.
Make Them Feel Safe
Fear of abandonment and worries about the future can make any child feel anxious. Help your children feel loved and protected. Prove that even though you are separated, KALM Moms & Dads will always be there for them to depend on.
Teach Coping Skills
Children will doubt themselves and see themselves as helpless victims of divorce. Teach children to manage their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors healthily. Help them understand that even though divorce is a difficult thing, they have a strong mental strength to deal with it.
The most basic coping skills for children is expressing the emotions they feel (you can read more about emotions here). Train children to recognize each emotion and how strong the emotion is. So they can deal with the emotions and express their feelings properly. Communicating their feelings will make them feel understood and helps parents understand what they need.
Divorce is not an easy thing. For parents, besides dealing with all the changes due to divorce, they also have to make sure that their children will not face difficult times. Do self-care and discuss your concerns with professionals. Also, ask if your child might need professional support.
For KALMers who need professional help, you can download the KALM application here. Through KALM application, KALMers can easily consult with Kalmselors. You can see who are our Kalmselors here.
Written by:Kalmselor Dwi Surya Purwanti, M. Psi., Psikolog(Kalmselors Code:DWI-888)
Note: Kamu bisa konseling dengan Kalmselor Dwi lewat aplikasiKALMdan menggunakan Kalmselors Code: DWI-888
Translated by: Rachma Fitrianing Lestari & Jessica Delphina
Edited by: Rachma Fitrianing Lestari
References:
Morin, A. (2021, February 22). The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children. Very Well Family. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170
FamilyMeans. (n.d). What Are the Effects of Divorce on Children? Retrieved March 30, 2021, from https://www.familymeans.org/effects-of-divorce-on-children.html
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